The Big Smoke…






We have just returned from a family break to London and, unlike our trip to Bristol, this time it lived up to my (high!) expectations! Having said that it was not without the odd hiccup regarding service, or lack of! Over all though it went very well, the children were well behaved (Andy too most of the time!), and a good time was had by all.

On arrival, oyster cards in our hot little hands, we jumped on a bus to take us to Waterloo where we then took the ten minute walk to our ‘hotel’ (Southwark Travelodge, I don’t recommend it!) After hassle getting the keys to our room we finally got in, un-packed,  relaxed for about an hour and then set off for the South bank for our trip on the London Eye. Although I had wanted to pre-book our tickets to avoid queueing I found an offer whereby if you go to London by train you get a 2 for 1 offer, reducing the overall price from £100 to £46 (worth queueing, even for me!). However, at 2.00pm we queued for all of 5 minutes for our tickets and then got straight into our pod. (I soo love it when things go like this!)

I have to say I found getting on and off the London Eye a little scary, as it doesn’t actually stop and you have to take a running jump., Having said this, I have to admit I am a bit of a wuss at the best of times! Anyway, it was very enjoyable, as was the 4D experience that went along with it. We then went along to the south bank centre and had a drink before heading over the bridge to see the Houses of Parliament. I can’t say this was pleasurable, especially seeing the armed Police standing guard outside. The children didn’t like to see that either, but we explained that they probably needed to be there as so many people in society felt a LOT of anger towards the people contained within!! It was getting late by now, so we headed back to our room for an early night, in preparation for the following, very busy, day.

Early the next morning we headed off to Buckingham Palace, at Elena’s request, to watch the changing of the guards. We all soon agreed that it was ‘boring’, although we did have a good conversation with some friendly Argentinian tourists! Again, it felt weird being at the Palace and trying to explain to the children how wealthy the Queen is and how she doesn’t have to pay the bedroom tax on her spare 100+ rooms!! The children had a much better destination in mind – Hamleys toy shop!

Two, yes two, hours later we left Hamley’s, had a quick look at Piccadilly Circus, and then once again boarded a bus back to Southwark for a rest ahead of the main attraction that evening…WICKED – The Musical!

Boots has wanted to see Wicked for months and Elena also said she would really like to see it. It certainly wasn’t cheap though, £270 for 4 second row seats! It was so worth it though, just seeing the look on the children’s faces, especially when they sang ‘Defying Gravity’. It was a truly magical evening, rounded off by a good look at London at night on our way back. It was our first proper West End show and I truly hope it isn’t our last, but I did find the whole thing very elitist. On top of the ticket price, we also had to buy a programme and drinks, which were very expensive. Still, as a ‘once in a lifetime’ event it really was fantastic and an evening I don’t think any of us will forget in a hurry…(We now have the soundtrack and are made to listen to it on every car journey!)

The following day and time to leave. Both Elena and Boots were sad to leave and before we had even boarded the train back to Coventry (At a saving of £140 compared to if we had gone from Exeter!), they said ‘When can we come again?’

I certainly hope that it won’t be too long…









Disappearing cancer patients….

I don’t know if you have seen my post on facebook concerning this topic, but it certainly makes very interesting reading, and doesn’t surprise me one bit, as it’s exactly what has happened to me!

Disappearing patients

I am due a scan in about a week, but I have heard nothing from the hospital. It is looking like they don’t wish to see me any more, since I gave up ‘their’ treatment and decided to go my own way! This, on one level, is okay with me, but when you really think about it, it is quite disgusting.

I believe many patients go their own way and are well for many many years, and so you would think that the Hospital would want to know these patients outcomes, the one’s they have spent hundreds of thousands of pounds on…You would also think that they would want to talk to these patients and ask them how they ‘cured’ themselves so that they could conduct research into it and so help other people who have cancer.

Apparently not…

I certainly do not intend to let this go. I will be in touch with the Head of cancer services at the hospital and ask for a meeting to discuss this issue, and, unlike my last meeting with them, I am not going to let it go quite so easily.

I am very angry about this situation, not for myself, but for other people both now, and in the future, who are diagnosed with cancer. Most people think that the NHS are in the business of trying to cure people from cancer, but if that were the case then surely they would be interested in a whole variety of ‘cures’ and not just the one that they currently ‘push’ which has very limited success (by their own admission!)

I know exactly what will happen when I have the meeting with Cancer services – they will say that it was an ‘oversight’ or an administrative error, and that of course they were going to send me an appointment in due course,…and I, of course, will believe them! (Not!)……

Fame At Last….

As I have said in my previous blogs, I started taking Low Dose Naltrexone in the Summer, and it is through taking this that I believe my tumours have shrunk. I regularly looked on the LDN research Trust website and I recently got an email asking for help with their research on LDN use for cancer. I was more than happy to help and so contacted them earlier this week. They said they would like to conduct a telephone interview and I was happy to oblige.

Now, I may be a bit naive, but I had no idea they were going to record the interview until the woman called me. I suddenly became a little nervous, but nevertheless took a deep breath and got on with it. She has also asked me to write my ‘story’ and send in a photograph to be included on their website. I am more than happy to do this as I would very much like to help in spreading the word about LDN and it’s many uses. Towards the end of our telephone conversation she asked me if I would consider taking part in a TV documentary that they are making about LDN and cancer early next year. As anyone who knows me will testify, I am quite a reserved person, and so my instinctive reaction was to politely decline. However, this is too important and I feel so strongly that information regarding LDN should be made more widespread, that I agreed. Whether anything will come of it I don’t know, but watch this space…!!

This is the best photo that I could find!!




Sums me up quite well I think!

WTF? Part 2



We settled down to watch ‘Stand Up 2 Cancer’ on Channel 4 last Friday night and were horrified when we realised that all donations were going to Cancer Research UK (CRUK). There are literally hundreds of cancer charities and yet the only one receiving money was the one that already gets the bulk of cancer donations.

Firstly, let me tell you a little about why I don’t like CRUK. If you look on their website you will see that they only put funds into chemotherapy/pharmaceuticals and they dismiss any ‘alternatives’. This, to my mind, is irresponsible and narrow. It seems that the only ‘cure’ they are interested in funding is the one supplied by big pharma. They won’t even look into other cures, and you have to ask yourself why?

Part of the answer to this question is the fact that representatives of the big pharmaceuticals sit on CRUK’s board.

CRUK are totally dismissive of anything other than pharmaceuticals and actively dissuade people from looking into other treatments/possible cures, even ones that have a LOT of evidence. A much better charity is ‘Yes To Life’ who help fund natural and alternative cures with or without conventional treatment.

Let me put it another way…


“Please donate to help find a cure…

For a £600 donation to Yes To Life you could help save the life of someone with stage 3+ cancer. This would provide the medicine necessary to potentially secure a cure for this person. So consider your donation carefully.

Alternatively you could give your donation to a £700 billion industry aimed primarily at exterminating cancer by licensed drugs. In reality they will support people to die from THEIR drugs and procedures, whilst extending the ‘patient’s’ life by an average of 3 months.

As I say, consider your donation carefully…”


I am certainly not the only one thinking this way. Linus Pauling PhD (2x noble prize winner) argues that ‘everyone should know that most cancer research is largely a fraud and that the major cancer research organisations are derelict in their duties to the people that support them.’

It is also true that CRUK already know how to prevent cancer but they are not interested in preventing it, only in finding a ‘cure’. As Dr Robert Sharpe says,  ‘in our culture treating disease is enormously profitable, preventing is not.’

CRUK received £460,000,000 last year of which £130,000,000 was actually spent on generating these funds. A further 2.5 million was paid to management of the charity. Total scammed = £132.5 million!!

I would love there to be a day when all cancer is irradicated, that day can not come soon enough, BUT I don’t believe that CRUK will play any part in this…

Has anyone seen my positivity?




It was only a matter or a couple of weeks ago that I was feeling uber positive and very upbeat, whereas the last few days I have been feeling the very opposite 😦 It doesn’t take a genius to work out the reason for this – the bloody British weather and the changing of the season! It was lovely for a few days last week and I felt fine, but just two days of torrential rain and gale force winds has sent me in a downward spiral.

Several years ago I used to suffer quite badly from Seasonal Affective Disorder, and I’d hoped I’d seen the last of those days. I’m hoping this is just a ‘blip’ and I’ll be back to my old self again soon. I certainly hope that I don’t continue to feel like this, or else it’s going to be a very long Winter. I guess the problems I mentioned in my two previous posts have something to do with it too – living so far away from friends and family, and, living so far away from the nearest town. Although I am driving again, I have only made it as far as Tavistock so far, which is a half hour drive right over the moor. Dartmoor has a reputation for very changeable weather, so it is a little daunting to get into the car in these conditions. I suppose I could get a bus to Exeter, but the weather doesn’t inspire me to leave the house on days like this.

Because of these feelings, the thought of moving has come into my head. Even as I write those words I realise how contrary I am being. I love Dartmoor and the surrounding countryside and I really like our house. The children are settled and enjoying their clubs, so another move and it’s associated upheaval really doesn’t sound like the best idea. I have always had itchy feet, even when I am happy somewhere, always on the look out for the next chapter, the next adventure and to go to pastures new. My dream would be to get a camper van and just take off and never settle anywhere, but when you have two children, limited funds and a whole lot of ‘stuff’ this is easier said than done!

I really hate feeling like I have the last few days, so I am aware that I am going to have to do something about it. More meditation maybe? A long walk (albeit in the rain!)? Maybe ring a friend for a catch-up? I know I can’t afford to be low and stressed as it is so bad for my health, so I will take action to try to lift my mood. When all said and done, I know I am not going to be the only one feeling like this at the moment. Even though we haven’t had the greatest of Summers’ in terms of weather, it is still difficult to adjust to the nights closing in and the weather becoming colder.

Luckily, I have two little rays of sunshine who, as we speak, are busy compiling their Christmas lists with looks of wonder in their eyes. No matter how I am feeling, just looking into their excited little eyes cheers me up and forces me to take action to stop feeling so bloody sorry for myself. It’s Boot’s Birthday on Friday and we are going to see some friends in Bridport, so that is something to look forward to. There is also our trip to London coming up.  I am very lucky and I must hang onto that and not let a few miserable days of rain send me spiralling into despair.

Like every other British person, I will get used to the changing of the season…Whoop whoop, Christmas here we come…!!!

My Regime


Listed below are the supplements and measures I take to shrink my tumours in a natural way…

Graviola x6        Also know as sousop, it grows in the rainforests of Asia, Africa and South America.

Bosswellier x2   Also known as Indian frankincense

Curcumin x2      Active ingredient in turmeric

vitamin D x4 800iu

Grapeseed extract x2   Contains antioxidants

D.I.P x2                           Daily Immune Protection

Baking soda and lemon juice in water x2

30 apricot kernals per day or Apricot kernal tablets 1000mg a day

LDN 4.5ml at night       Low dose naltrexone

Sweet wormwood and Iron


Bitter melon


I eat only organic vegetables, especially leafy green vegetables such as spinach and kale.

I do not eat any sugar or dairy and very few carbs.

I exercise for 30 minutes every day. Included in this is 15 minutes on the trampoline, as this has been shown to help in breast cancer cases.

I try to stay positive, as I really believe that this is important.

There is also a lot of evidence about the effectiveness of cannabis oil…..

Great Expectations…



Andy and I have just returned from a whistle-stop trip to Bristol and, although it was really nice to get away and spend some time together, it wasn’t all I had hoped it would be. I know the reason for this…

Since my diagnosis I have looked at life very differently, and appreciate everything so much more. When we plan and look forward to a day out or a trip away, I REALLY look forward to it and consequently expect everything to be perfect, which of course, it is not. Therefore I can quite easily become disappointed if things don’t go exactly as I’d hoped. I do, of course, realise that life cannot always be perfect, but that doesn’t help me when things go wrong.  Our trip to Bristol actually went quite well, but there were a few minor disappointments which meant that I became very upset, and this marred our time away. It’s hard to change aspects of your personality that you do not like, but I really have to try harder to be more realistic in my expectations. and accept that there is no such thing as perfect.

Even though our trip wasn’t as good as I thought it would be, it was really nice for Andy and myself to spend some quality time together. We did some shopping, ate some nice food and even had some complimentary glasses of wine when the hotels booking in system crashed. You would think that free wine would make up for an hour delay in getting to our room, but it didn’t. I just kept thinking ‘we only have 24 hours away and sitting here waiting is wasting valuable time’. We kept calm about it and the staff were really nice about it too.

It was a bit like a trip down memory lane, as Andy and I got married in Bristol just over 25 years ago. I really love it there, as it is edgy and exciting and spending time there makes me feel really alive! We went to Stokes Croft and looked at the street art and also to St. Nicholas’ Market, where we enjoyed some tasty vegan food. Living in Devon, it is very difficult to eat out when you are following a vegan diet, but in Bristol you are spoilt for choice. During the evening I thought I would treat myself to a Cosmopolitan and so ordered one from room service – I could so get used to a life of luxury!!

We are planning a family trip to London in two weeks time, and I am going to endeavour  to ‘go with the flow’ a little more, rather than expecting perfection – After all we are only human and sometimes shit happens!


Have Wheels….

It is an extra special week, as my Mum is visiting us from the Midlands. This event is eagerly anticipated, as, although we are happy and ‘jogging along’ nicely, the only down side to our lives is the feeling of social isolation. I think this is particularly true for Andy and I, as the children both do lots of activities and so are beginning to make friends in the town.

We go to two home-ed groups and have made some very good friends in those, but these friends all live at least 30 minutes to an hour away. All our friends from Dorset are even further away, and both our families live a three and a half hour journey from here.

I certainly don’t think we are alone in this feeling of isolation, as I think there are many other people in the same position. It is more and more common for people to move away from their home towns, added to which people tend to move more frequently than in the past. We have lived here for 17 months now and although we are on ‘nodding terms’ with local people, we have yet to make any friends. I am aware that these things take time, especially in  such a small community as ours, but it can sometimes feel very lonely.

I am partially to blame for my feeling of isolation, as shortly after moving here I stopped driving. When you live next to Dartmoor and are 30 minutes from the nearest town, supermarket etc, it really is a necessity that both Andy and myself can drive. I felt okay(ish!) driving around Dorset as I was used to the roads, but since moving here it has become a bit of a nightmare for me! If I turn left out of our drive you are on Dartmoor. The drive is beautiful, but I find it rather challenging when faced with galloping sheep, horses and cattle all over the road! If I turn right out of our drive and head for Newton Abbot, Totnes, Torbay, I am faced with narrow roads which suddenly narrow even more, and therefore a lot of reversing into tight spaces is required!

I know this is something that I am going to have to conquer, as once driving again I will be able to visit friends and maybe even get some voluntary work, and consequently not feel so isolated. I have tentatively started this process, and am now able to drive to Tavistock, but I really need to be driving every day so  that I get used to being back in the driving seat.

Another measure I am taking to get me ‘out and about’, is joining a local yoga class. I was a little unsure initially, but having spoken to the lady who runs the class I am now really looking forward to it. I think it’s really important that I have a little bit of ‘me’ time, as I spend so much time with both Andy and the children. I’m hoping this will give me the confidence to join in with more local groups.

I think I only fully realise how isolated I feel when family or friends leave after a visit.. It is so lovely spending quality time with them, but when I wave them off I get a sinking feeling in my stomach and become very teary. Having said that, the time I do spend with them is over a weekend or even a week, so it is very much an ‘all or nothing’ scenario.

I am sure, as time passes, and I get used to driving again, that this feeling of isolation will get less and less, but for now I am going to make the most of every minute spent with my lovely Mum!

To Scan or not to scan?


I am due to have another scan in November, and am at a loss as to know what to do about it. On the one hand, I need to know what is going on with my tumours, but on the other, I really dread the whole process and week (at least!) of worry that follows the scan taking place whilst waiting for the results.

I am confident that I am doing what is best for me and am still religiously following my supplement and healthy eating regimes, but when scan time is coming up I automatically start doubting it and start to think, ‘What if…?’ This begs the question, ‘Should I really be having scans?’

Apart from the stress and worry of scans there is also the issue of huge amounts of (cancer causing) radiation being put into my body. A CT scan which is generally repeated every three months, gives you the equivalent of a whole years radiation from environmental sources.

I have, through my research, found an alternative to CT scans, one which has no radiation involved. This procedure is called Medical Thermal Imaging, and is supposedly very safe. As with so many ‘alternative’ procedures and treatments it comes at a cost – £395 to be exact. Not only this, but there are only a few centres which carry this out, so there is inevitably quite a bit of travelling involved also. If money was not an issue it would be a no-brainer, but there is only so much money in the pot, and trying to balance how much I spend on treatments with how much I spend on doing ‘fun stuff’ is difficult.

Part of me would rather just say, no more scans! The problem with this is that I know of a particular treatment, GcMAF, that can actually cure stage 4 cancers. The Doctors involved in this are so confident of this that they offer you your money back if your tumours do not shrink each week that you are having treatment! You are only allowed to receive this treatment abroad and it costs around £27,000, (so obviously there is the money issue again), but they do not let you have the treatment until you are given three months to live. Blindly carrying on in ignorance of what is happening in my body is all well and good, but if the methods I am using stop working I need to know so that I can try other alternatives.

The whole GcMAF issue is big news at the moment. Those of you who see my Facebook posts will know that a lot of ‘natural’ Doctors are being found murdered and it is thought that this may be a result of big pharma (yet again!) trying to silence them. Some may see this as very ‘conspiracy theorist’, but it certainly makes sense to me. If GcMAF can cure cancer, the whole chemo industry is jeopardised.

GcMAF link

For now, I am trying not to think too much about the scan/no scan question, but as I wait for the inevitable letter to come through the door in the next few weeks, it is something I will have to ponder more and more…

Walk In My Shoes…

Is it ever okay to bully someone? To force your opinion onto someone to such an extent that it makes them doubt themselves and feel scared? I don’t believe it is, and yet this is what happened to me when I started to seriously consider not continuing with chemotherapy.

I was a member of a forum for people with Inflammatory breast cancer for 2 years and found a lot of support and help from other members. The admin of the group has never had chemotherapy because she has never had cancer, and yet when I spoke to her about my feelings regarding stopping chemo she said ‘It will spread really quickly and you’ll die’, and ‘I’d hate for you to go downhill rapidly’. I am usually a strong person, but with something of this magnitude it is hard to ever be completely sure if you are choosing the right path. We had several conversations, both over the telephone and via text. After I had spoken to my oncologist and she had agreed that chemo wasn’t that great, I told this woman, and yet still she tried to tell me both the oncologist and myself were wrong. Fair enough, she blocked me on facebook and that was that.

After some consideration I decided that I would like to rejoin the forum so that I could help inform other members that there was another way should they wish to look into it. I put in my request and was turned down! This woman had obviously decided that she did not wish me to impart my knowledge to others in the group and, even though she does not have cancer, proceeded to block me from the group.

I am aware, whilst writing this, that I may sound bitter. I am not. (Although I was for a while, I’m only human after all!) I just feel very strongly that unless you have walked in someone else’s shoes you really shouldn’t force your opinion on that person. We each have our own path and I feel that this should be respected by all of those around us. This is not just the case regarding cancer treatments, but in life generally.

Luckily, most people I have come into contact with have respected and understood my choices and have been very supportive. Having said that, ALL the nurses I have spoken to have also been very negative about stopping conventional treatment. When I was having Herceptin (a targeted therapy for HER2 positive cancer), I mentioned that I may not have any more chemo, and again I was met with comments such as ‘But you have children, you can’t refuse chemo’, and ‘How can you even contemplate that?’

I guess that those involved in conventional medicine are always going to believe that theirs is the only way, but I feel very uncomfortable that if you mention any other possibilities you are met with such negativity. In my experience, the nurses on the chemo wards have never even heard of alternative treatments. I once said to my nurse ‘ I’m thinking of trying alternative treatments’, and her reply was ‘Are there any other treatments?’ We are so entrenched into the conventional medical model and I find this so scary.

I do believe things are changing, albeit very slowly. Since giving up chemo and researching other treatments I have found  a lot of people who know the ‘truth’ about cancer, both how to prevent it and treatments to cure it. There is a lot of information out there, and also a lot of research. My worry is that people who are diagnosed with cancer are fast-tracked into the conventional treatments and literally don’t have time to think about the next step they should take. I completely understand this, it’s a very scary time…. I really hope, though, that increasingly people will hear of alternatives and look into them before they go down the conventional route…I certainly wish I had….