Anger, Depression, Resentment…

…..All feelings I have fought hard to suppress since my diagnosis. I  managed this very well  before the events of the last few days. Through relaxation, meditation and positive thinking my family and myself were happy and getting on with our lives.

On the 24th of this month everything changed. All those negative feelings are back with a vengeance.

Don’t get me wrong, I was aware well ahead of the vote, that I lived in a country that contained many racist, selfish people, but I honestly thought they were in a minority. The one thing that is helping me right now is that it was predominantly the older generation who voted ‘leave’. This, however, is not much of a consolation as I come to realise that they have basically screwed up my children’s future with a quick ‘X’ in a box!

I have always bought up my children to be accepting of all people, and to believe that the ‘world is out there’ for them to explore and be a part of, and I now find myself explaining to them that they are no longer going to be able to live and work freely throughout Europe, that older people don’t seem to care about their future and wish them to live in a divided and selfish society.

People that know me well know that I have suffered with agoraphobia in the past, and, since Friday those old familiar feelings have resurfaced. I find myself wanting to stay at home with my family and not mix with people who have potentially shafted our future and bought back all this stress and negativity…

So, now we find ourselves having to seriously consider moving to another country (while we still can!). I resent feeling that I have to put my family through all this stress and upheaval. I resent the fact that we may have to leave our own country, a country in which all our extended family live, including my 82 year old Mother.

No-one truly knows what lies ahead as a result of Thursday, but I think that even the leave voters can already see some of the negative aspects…living in a divided society, a rise in prices, probable job losses etc..etc…I really hope they think it was worth it, but then most of them won’t be around to see the full ramifications of their actions. It is so so predictable and symptomatic of the ‘I’m alright Jack’ mentality of this country. I mean, they lived in a time where if you worked hard you could buy a property, go on foreign holidays(!) and have a nice comfortable life…a lifestyle which has been denied for our children even before Thursday.

So no, I won’t ‘Keep calm and carry on’…Instead I am having to focus on making plans to move away from the country in which I was born, to uproot my children from their friends and family, to ponder on a life whereby free healthcare and free movement is denied to us…..and most importantly I am having to focus on trying to cope with the unfamiliar feelings of stress and anger and depression and resentment…

Thanks ‘Leave’ voters….Hope you think it was worth it!







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