Has anyone seen my positivity?

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It was only a matter or a couple of weeks ago that I was feeling uber positive and very upbeat, whereas the last few days I have been feeling the very opposite 😦 It doesn’t take a genius to work out the reason for this – the bloody British weather and the changing of the season! It was lovely for a few days last week and I felt fine, but just two days of torrential rain and gale force winds has sent me in a downward spiral.

Several years ago I used to suffer quite badly from Seasonal Affective Disorder, and I’d hoped I’d seen the last of those days. I’m hoping this is just a ‘blip’ and I’ll be back to my old self again soon. I certainly hope that I don’t continue to feel like this, or else it’s going to be a very long Winter. I guess the problems I mentioned in my two previous posts have something to do with it too – living so far away from friends and family, and, living so far away from the nearest town. Although I am driving again, I have only made it as far as Tavistock so far, which is a half hour drive right over the moor. Dartmoor has a reputation for very changeable weather, so it is a little daunting to get into the car in these conditions. I suppose I could get a bus to Exeter, but the weather doesn’t inspire me to leave the house on days like this.

Because of these feelings, the thought of moving has come into my head. Even as I write those words I realise how contrary I am being. I love Dartmoor and the surrounding countryside and I really like our house. The children are settled and enjoying their clubs, so another move and it’s associated upheaval really doesn’t sound like the best idea. I have always had itchy feet, even when I am happy somewhere, always on the look out for the next chapter, the next adventure and to go to pastures new. My dream would be to get a camper van and just take off and never settle anywhere, but when you have two children, limited funds and a whole lot of ‘stuff’ this is easier said than done!

I really hate feeling like I have the last few days, so I am aware that I am going to have to do something about it. More meditation maybe? A long walk (albeit in the rain!)? Maybe ring a friend for a catch-up? I know I can’t afford to be low and stressed as it is so bad for my health, so I will take action to try to lift my mood. When all said and done, I know I am not going to be the only one feeling like this at the moment. Even though we haven’t had the greatest of Summers’ in terms of weather, it is still difficult to adjust to the nights closing in and the weather becoming colder.

Luckily, I have two little rays of sunshine who, as we speak, are busy compiling their Christmas lists with looks of wonder in their eyes. No matter how I am feeling, just looking into their excited little eyes cheers me up and forces me to take action to stop feeling so bloody sorry for myself. It’s Boot’s Birthday on Friday and we are going to see some friends in Bridport, so that is something to look forward to. There is also our trip to London coming up.  I am very lucky and I must hang onto that and not let a few miserable days of rain send me spiralling into despair.

Like every other British person, I will get used to the changing of the season…Whoop whoop, Christmas here we come…!!!

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