I really only decided to stop chemotherapy because of the emotional effect it was having on me, although the fact that my tumours had increased in size whilst on it did also have a bearing! I hated the whole ‘hospital’ thing and how it made me feel and this of course had a massive impact on the rest of my family. I was depressed, anxious and sometimes suicidal. I stopped driving in case I ‘went mad’ while on the road! My whole time was consumed with awful thoughts of leaving my family and not being around to see my beautiful children grow up. Until I gave up conventional treatment I assumed that this was because of the cancer, but having given it up I have realised that these feelings were mainly brought about by the treatment itself!
I was already pursuing more ‘alternative’ (another word I hate!) treatments before coming off chemo. These included eating 30 apricot kernals each day, graviola, grapeseed extract, bottswellier to name but a few. I came to know about these things through the ‘Yes to Life‘ charity, and Patricia Peat, an ex-oncology nurse who could see the need for a more holistic approach to cancer treatment. As soon as I started researching other treatments it was mind-boggling, there were so many! But even a very limited look into these treatments made it obvious that these so-called alternatives were having very real results. This led me to look into the whole ‘medical’ model of ‘slash, poison, burn’ and the very real LACK of results in the long term when going down the conventional route.